To Begin, Again...

I read this passage earlier today, and completely agree...


"Congratulations! You are back! You are finally allowing yourself to be who you are meant to be instead of living your life according to everyone else’s expectations. When you honor your true self, life is so much more rewarding and less stressful because you are living in authenticity."


Carpe Diem, and so it is...

On Any Given Day...

the most amazing coincidences can happen - and when they do - it's astounding the directions in which one is led...

Carpe Diem, and so it is...

Thursday, October 14th, 2010 - Carpe Diem, Putting the Past Away, And Another "11"

Today has been extraordinary and transformative in the most simple yet profound ways. 

• 11 - the positive power number has appeared again and again. 
• Coincidences en masse
• Signs - popping up everywhere

Since I am doing a half marathon this weekend, and since I haven't been my most healthy self, I have been "indulging" a bit too much in treats.  I declared that I could eat whatever I wanted this week - and has that ever been a true statement.  Treats are not bad, as Grandpa Phil always said, everything in moderation.  Well - I forgot the "moderation" part and just went for the everything.  The wagon isn't too far gone, but unless stopped, it would ride into a many pound weight gain, and that just is not acceptable.

While watching that last miner ascend yesterday (miraculous!), I enjoyed a high calorie and  fat treat.  I was rejoicing with the world at this miracle, and rejoice equals coconut cream pie, right?  It capped off an unhealthy dinner, a ridiculously bad lunch, and an earlier indulgence that I don't wish to acknowledge (yes I know - my head is in the sand). 

This morning, I woke up with a migraine and a cold in my chest - no surprise there.  My jeans were in a word "snug".  And quite frankly, I felt like I had been to the junk food bender-orama.  This capped the build up to detonation, and when I got on the scale this morning to face the truth - BOOM!!!

The word "Detoxify" came to me, and the meaning resonated.  To feel better, I ate worse.  What an old and stale pattern that is / was.  Eating junk wasn't going to help "fix" anything.  Using white cheddar popcorn as a weapon - not going to dent the enemy. Injesting chemically created "cream" on a pie?  Really? 

The root of the eating?  For another blog, but we all have "something"...

Oy...

So - Done...Enough...

To quote from The Labours of Hercules by Dr. Francis Merchant, the Teacher said to Hercules:
"One word of counsel only I may give...
We rise by kneeling; we conquer by surrendering; we gain by giving up"

When we face a hydra with nine heads (one of which may be a Dorito, or a bag of them), fighting a conventional battle of  brute force will only empower it.  If you cut off one head, two more will instantly appear (these then shaped like a Dairy Queen Cone and  A Hostess Ho Ho). 

A Different (and smarter) Strategy:
If you get down, grab that hydra and raise it up, suspended in mid-air, it's powers diminsh.  The light and air causes that nasty ol' beast to be weak, and then, we can take it out with ease and never see its ugly heads again.

Today is declared to be Hydra Be Gone Day...

On another note - and profound in a different way:

Between Monday, December 3rd, 2007 and Wednesday, April 14th, 2010 - there were:

• 2 years, 4 months, and 11 days
• 863 Days
• 20,712 hours
• 1,242,720 minutes
• 74,563,200 second

This is the Past.  It is now done, concluded, over, finito, finished, basta.  Thank you for the lessons, and for giving me such knowledge, wisdom and experience.

Between Wednesday, April 14th, 2010 and Thursday, October 14th, 2010 - there were:

• 6 months
• 183 Days
• 4,392 hours
• 263,520 minutes
• 15,811,200 seconds

This is now also the Past. It is concluded and complete.

Between Thursday, October 14th, 2010 and Wednesday, September 14th, 2011 - there are:

• 335 Days
• 8,040 Hours
• 482,400 Minutes
• 28,944,000 Seconds
• It is equal to exactly 11 months (there is that number again...)

This is the beginning of a great present and a incredible future.

Carpe Diem - and so it is.

Carpe Diem Reminder #216

I just got word that a dear former colleague of mine passed away from a heart attack at age 52.  That's tough to take, but for me it is another reminder to live in the present moment, and don't let the minisule irritations get in the way. 

Treasure the simple:

• Playing a fierce game of Trouble with my nieces, and then snuggling with them under a pile of blankets on a chilly fall evening wearing our matching pajamas
• A gorgeous maple tree changing colors
• Sunshine
• A feast of Chinese takeout
• A fantastic conversation with someone in a customer service job that actually wants to provide customer service above and beyond (thank you BethAnn at the Mandarin Oriental!  You are the best!)
• A note from my college freshman godson telling me "I'm the best" for no apparent reason
• Finding the perfect birthday card for my mother that I know will make her cry in a good way

These are not monumental moments, but they are the moments that thread together our lives, and sometimes, that is all the special that is required. 

Joe -many will miss you.  Thank you for being a part of my life for the time you were, and thank you for the viseral and painful reminder that Carpe Diem / All In is the only way to live. 

"Showing Up" - Part Two

For the last three days - I have been "showing up" to continue preparations for the upcoming distance events.  This is generally unremarkable other than since I have been contending with a flare up, this is the first time in several weeks that there has been training this many days in a row. 

Sunday - 4 miles outside in the crisp fall air.  It was literally sparkling and the trees was vibrant in their colorful garb. 

Monday - tennis for the first time in forever.  It felt so great to play, to hit, and to feel the ball contact the strings and go zooming back over the net.  Serena and Venus - I'm back...

Tuesday - 5.37 miles on the treadmill, abs and lower body weights.   I let go control of my Ipod and shuffled - (rare for me).  It played a lot of Monkees and Springsteen - an unlikely combination, but it worked.  Throw in some Rolling Stones and it made for a great workout. 

Truthfully, there will be aspirin and an Icy Hot patch tonight to quell the aches mainly induced by the tennis playing (different muscle groups).  But I showed up - 3 days in a row.  As previously mentioned, to hit the ball, you gotta go to the ballpark.

Now - will I "show up" tomorrow?  Will my joints cooperate?  More to follow...

Carpe Diem, and so it is...

"Showing Up" - Part One

You can't hit the ball unless you get up to bat...And you can't get up to bat unless you are at the ballpark.  You may hit a foul, a fly ball, or strike out all together, but you got up and went for it. 

Carpe Diem, and so it is...

Timing a Countdown - 40 Days

Is a countdown a good and motivational thing, or a bad and stress inducing thing? 

On New Years Eve - it is considered joyful and good.  "5, 4, 3, 2, 1 - Happy New Year!"  For a shuttle launch - it is exciting and inspiring.  I remember quite clearly standing on the NASA causeway six miles from the launch of Discovery on July 4th, 2006 and hearing the countdown - "T-minus 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 - go for main engine start, 2, 1 - booster ignition and liftoff of the Space Shuttle Discovery".  Incredible!

On the bad or stressful side - there is the common angst associated with a countdown to an event where one wants to lose weight, i.e. high school reunion, wedding.  What if the scale doesn't say the "right number"?  What if the dress doesn't fit?  What if the people I will see don't react well to me?  Not a good thing unless it serves as motivation to achieve a goal. 

This morning I found myself in the light grey area between inspiration and angst.  The countdown clock for me is at 40 days before The New York City Marathon.  

First - the angst:
I haven't received absolute, firm, signed, sealed and delivered confirmation of my participation in a charity.  So - I wonder if I will actually be participating, or watching on the sidelines while my two friends participate (which would be fine as well).  But - I don't sit well on the sidelines.  So my angst is the waiting (and waiting and waiting).  Hopefully this week - but until I know - I don't know and I like to know.  Angst inducer number two - I am also managing through an RA flareup that doesn't want to leave me as much as I want to see it go.  Each day I expect it to be gone, and each day it returns.  I hate that when that happens.  Fighting it makes it worse, so again, I wait for it to lift (and wait and wait).  
Angst - don't like you too much.

Second - the excitement:
I have 40 days remaining to complete preparations for the greatest marathon in the world (my opinion) and even if I somehow don't get my charity slot - I will be in marathon condition for another event in the same time frame (Honolulu again?  Vegas?)  The flare up will leave (darnit) - and I am working daily to escort it out the door of my joints and into the atmosphere. 

So today I chose the inspirational avenue towards this countdown.  I will obtain my charity slot (more on this organization and what they do - which is really amazing - once the final confirmation comes), and am going to get out and walk today.  I walked 4 miles yesterday despite my screaming joints, and I will go further today. 

Conclusion:
Countdown = positive and inspirational.  No more light grey - all systems are green and go for launch. 

Carpe Diem, and so it is.

Winning doesn't always mean First...

As my preparations continue for the New York City Marathon, I found this story that is so inspirational in its teaching of what is possible.  It is an amazing testiment to courage and to defining winning as not crossing first, but crossing in the face of significant physical obstacles.  Viva Zoe!  I can't wait to see her in a few weeks!

The Story:
Manhattanite Zoe Koplowitz is eager to take part in what will be her 22nd New York City Marathon on Nov. 7 -- and she'll be a winner, even though she'll probably finish last, as she always does.


Koplowitz, 62, lives with multiple sclerosis and diabetes and walks the route on magenta-tinted crutches and wearing eye shadow. Her finishing times have been between 29 hours and a possible record-setting 33 hours and 23 minutes, she said.

"I get the same satisfaction as someone who finishes it in three or four hours," said Koplowitz, a motivational speaker and author.

Koplowitz, who dismisses the pain she lives with -- "that's why God invented Advil" -- and is grateful to the Guardian Angels, who escort her during her overnight marathon hours, says she's on a mission to "reinvent the whole idea of winning."

"It's not always about being first," she said. "It's about doing everything you do from the center of your being with everything you've got. That's what makes a winner."

She has been nominated for a New York Post Liberty Medal in the Courage category by the New York City-Southern New York chapter of the National MS Society.

Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/marathon_first_lady_P0nNlZlB7fHujd45BFgRkI#ixzz10Auw8ztg

That Finish Line Feeling...

A finish line is a miraculous place. In a sporting event or a life event - months of preparations culminate in that brief and magic moment of "finishing".  But to finish - one must start, and then middle, and then finish.  That middle part - not always enjoyable, but a part of the process.  No shortcuts - just determination. 


Yesterday, I stood at the finish line of The Nation's Triathalon cheering for my sister as she completed her third triathalon this summer.  During the day, both on the course and at the finish - I observed many people of all shapes, sizes, and ages.  Some were barely moving and in pain and some were sprinting laughing, and literally kicking up their heels with joy.  No matter what state they were in - the crowd cheered them on, and the magic happened because they dared and prepared to finish what they started. 


That magic moment of finishing, of crossing that line of completion (whatever that may be) is incredible.  In an event such as a marathon or triathalon - it is the almost indescribable feeling of the medal placed around your neck.  That moment is worth every book and training manual studied, every early rising, every blister, every foregone martini, every hour of time spent away from a family - every sacrifice that was made.  You know in that instant that somehow, no matter what the circumstances, disabilities, distractions, and issues - a miracle was accomplished.  That miracle then spurs on more accomplishments, because you know that you can...

And so, you start again, and middle again, and finish again, and so on, and so on.


Not always easy - but the finish line represents the courage to begin, to try, to go out, and to succeed.


"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."  Theodore Roosevelt

It's Over and It Is Just Beginning

Labor Day Monday - a day traditionally considered to be the end of summer. Tomorrow marks returns to school and to a more disciplined schedule of work with summer vacations completed.


Technically - summer is over on the autumnal equinox, which is scheduled for 3:09 a.m. UTC (Coordinated Universal Time) on September 23rd, 2010. On that day, the sun crosses the equator and moves southward in the northern hemisphere. At that time, the earth’s axis of rotation is perpendicular to the line connecting the centers of the earth and the sun.

Mmmhmmm...that's all the technical explanation required...And now - to the point...
It's Over
Summer 2010 was radically different from the summers of the recent past. It was challenging as I learned about handling rejection, trying to find a new job, change, and rebirth.


This summer brought relief of rejection in many forms:
- a few excessive ice cream consumptions (should have bought stock in Dairy Queen)
- some chocolate binges (dark for the antioxidants)
- lots of job research and reading
- full contact racquetball matches (getting hit stings!)
- obsessive cleaning jags
- a half marathon
- a three day 60 mile walk to serve a cause more important than myself


Those relief efforts have left me with a couple extra pounds - but they will be soon gone again when marathon training gets serious starting tomorrow.

There were tears, more than I'd like to admit. Eventually, the tears led to giggles, smiles, and finally back to the laughter that permeates my life. The most important thing was that no matter how dark the mood, I knew I could transform and become stronger and more confident than I had ever been.


I also can't recall a summer when I have seen more butterflies. Monarchs, yellow ones, white ones - they have been everywhere. The development of a butterfly follows several stages - and my summer 2010 seems to have been the chrysalis stage. That stage of a butterfly is marked by little movement. But it is the stage in which growth and differentiation occurs. It is a protected covering, a sheltered state, or a stage of being or growth.

Peaceful and quiet, not frantic and frenzied, summer 2010 has been a gift of contemplation, evaluation, and growth, and certainly a sheltered state of sorts. It was a transformational journey and a blessing. It will always be a time in my life I will value for the lessons learned about patience, forgiveness, acceptance, and letting go control of that which I cannot control.

It Is Just Beginning
September 7th, 2010 - New Season/New Beginning

The adult butterfly emerges from the chrysalis and expands its wings by pumping haemolymph (a fluid) into the wing veins. This sudden and rapid change is called metamorphosis.

More on that in the next post...

A Good Reminder...

"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true."
Richard Bach

Out of the Cocoon

At the very moment when the caterpiller thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

Maybe

Maybe . . . the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;
after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and
heartaches.

Maybe . . .
you should dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go,
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life and one chance
to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.

Maybe . . .
you should start right now.

A Poet - and I Didn't Know It...

As I embark on the journey of the Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk to cure this disease - I was inspired by Clement Clarke Moore's timeless poem, "A Visit From St. Nicholas".  My poem is certainly of a more abbreviated nature.

A Inspired Visit from St. Peregrine (patron saint of cancer patients and healing)
Twas the Night Before the 3-Day...when all through the house...all the pink clothing was stirring, and there was concerns of a douse



The weather was forecast to be rainy and damp, but the weather won't stop the event and, thank goodness, no camp...(for me anyway :))

The preparations were done on the asphalt with care, in hopes of that the cure soon would be there...

The shoes were all laced and the sox clean and bright,
there was much excitement for the pasta dinner tonight


When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, she sprang from her bed to see what was the matter
When what to her wondering eyes should appear, but a fanny pack with water bottles, and all the right gear


And she whistled and shouted and called the checklist by name:
Now poncho, now Body Glide, now shorts and aspirin,
On bandaids, on T-shirt, on mole skin, on Neospirin,


She spoke not a word, but went straight to the work, and she walked for the cause so that fewer would hurt

And I heard her exclaim as she walked out of sight
"Happy 3 Day to All - and please St. Peregrine, no more breast cancer in sight"


Carpe Diem, and so it is...

Attention, Please...

It amazes me what happens when you "pay attention".  In this modern and hectic life, so much occurs and fills the space that is normally consumed just by being consumed.  Busy to be busy, distracted to just be that way. 


And then, there is a moment of quiet, when mobile devices and televisions and ipods and all manner of thing falls away, and you can SEE what needs to be seen (and wonderful surprises as well), and attend to that which needs or desires attending, and be at peace knowing you make a difference just by paying attention. 


It was in one of those moments of attention that I found this quote - and boy, did it help me see...


"Once, there was no road where I wanted to go.  So I made my own.


And I haven't looked back ever since.


My dream is to carve my own path.  I was never one to follow maps. "

Carpe Diem, and so it is...

Migraine Musings and Metaphors

I deal with migraines on a pretty consistent basis - and today is one of those days.  I felt it starting last night (it literally feels like a big brick with spikes is is crawling up the back of my neck).  Despite efforts to the contrary - it arrived this early morning.  Of course the hot dog I ate last night loaded with those tasty nitrates didn't help, but I was at a ball game.  Ball game = hot dog.  It is a universal law that those two things go together.  Amen.

Why am I writing then?  It is too painful at present to do nothing and rest.  It's easier for me to keep my mind engaged till the Imitrex kicks in (if it does).  In this stage of the migraine event - I do things to avoid the pain - drink coffee, thumb through magazines, wander around adjusting pictures, writing in the blog...  Unfortunately, avoiding the pain now doesn't necessarily prevent it from having to be "gone through" later.  Sometimes, going through it teaches you how to deal with it the next time and the next time...



During the migraine event itself - depending on it's "personality" - it is a real challenge to exist.   My migraines have different personalities.   Some cause sensitivity to smell, some light, some touch, some noise, some cause extreme nausea, some knock me out so hard I don't even remember getting through them.  They last between 12 hours and 72 hours - again depending on the  "personality".   During that time, unless I can intercept with Imitrex, I need to go through it and come out the other side feeling better.  Going through usually involves a lot of sleeping, ice packs, sometimes a bit of writhing, and just plain praying for the pain to be done. 



Just before an event concludes - the pain is the ABSOLUTE worst.  I have named it the "spike" and it can be wretched.  I can't sleep, eat or move around.  It is basically sitting as best as possible and waiting for the end of it.  Nothing can soothe this phase - it just needs to pass. 


But then - (cue the white heavenly light) - it starts to stop and "lift"...as if almost by magic.

When the migraine is over - the pressure empties, the brick and spikes disappear, and my head feels a rush of (what I perceive to be) cold air filling the vacuum of the spots that hurt so badly.  It is peaceful and refreshing.  The pain evaporates into the ether and there is this exhausted but wonderful "high" that fills in the gap where the pain was.  This transition wipes out any remaining energy I have, but it is such an awesome conclusion to such a nasty time.  There is such serenity in knowing that the pain is gone, and I can return back to my "normal" self (hahaha).   The sleep following a migraine is like being wrapped up in a big thick down comforter with big fluffy down pillows, like 5 of them...

As with migraines and other things, sometimes, the only way through the pain is to go through the pain.  As Winston Churchill once said, "when you are going through hell, keep going."  Feel what you are feeling, don't avoid it, but face it, learn from it, and know that it will soon be done.  And then, on to the plush down comforter (and perhaps some really good macaroni and cheese - yummy). 


The pill isn't kicking in yet, and it appears I am into an event.  Time to gird the loins and get going through it so it can be done before Friday.  That topic for another entry.


To all who are getting and going through pain - I wish you the best.  Carpe Diem, migraine and all...and so it is...

Pythagorus Said...

While working on my book this afternoon - I paused for a moment to look out the window.  There were two boxelder bugs literally stuck together running around the window and making their way as best they could.  Why were they stuck together? - Well, me thinks they "hooked up" to make more boxelder bugs but their association was now lengthier than either had planned.


There was a bigger bug (BB), and a smaller bug (SB).  BB was basically dragging SB around.  As I looked closer - I watched SB twisting and turning, doing it's best to detach from BB.  SB would move its head down as if to talk to BB and say "let me go", and "I'm so done being dragged around by you".  It was very evident (as it now appears in addition to German,  it seems I speak Boxelder) that SB had had enough, and wanted to move on to the next thing. 


This little dance went on for some time...SB kept twisting around and around and BB would just take off in another direction.  Finally - SB detached and quickly scurried off on a different path.  BB just sat there for a while, and finally flew away - notably in the opposite direction.


So after all the entomology talk, what does an ancient Greek mathemetician (who had a nice theorem by the by) have to do with boxelder bugs, windows or finally detaching from something one has outgrown?


Pythagorus said, "Eleven is the number of a cycle of new beginnings."


Carpe Diem, and so it is...

Carpe Diem - the Signs Aren't Always Pleasant

Several pieces of bad news in the last few days.  My very good friend Michael's father passed earlier this week.  My elderly aunt Caroline is awaiting a (hopefully) peaceful passage after having a heart attack and stroke. But the most challenging was receiving word this morning that one of my contemporaries from my university choir passed away from breast cancer.  She was about my age - late 40's and leaves behind two young children and a loving husband.  Although we were acquainted years ago, and have not kept in touch save a few intermittent reunions - it has given me a very uneasy feeling.  One never knows when this great adventure of life will be over.


I found myself recalling some memories of Geri, specifically surrounding a choir trip to Ireland in 1983 (and what a trip that was - yikes...).  She had a beautiful face and a sweet but quiet demeanor.  I find myself wishing I had known her better.  Now instead of having that opportunity, I can only offer prayers and condolences to her family.  Regrets aren't really my cup of tea, and there is certainly a lesson and reminder here that has all but hit me over the head.


Two people in a few days - done.  One more - to be done soon.  Done with their time on the planet.  It is never simple, but somehow the passage of an older person who has "lived" their life is somehow easier to accept.  A mother of an 8 year old and a 14 year doesn't compute.  Yes - there are reasons for everything, but it is still hard to swallow.


Breast cancer (or any kind of cancer) doesn't seem to care much for who it attacks, or the lives it changes and disrupts. It ravages those whose lives it touches, and it needs to stop.


I am re-energized for my upcoming Breast Cancer 3 Day later this month.  Those 60 miles will give me a renewed opportunity to bring funds and attention to this form of cancer.  And I will think of Geri and all the others who didn't make - and I will dream of a time and place when that doesn't happen any more.  More on that later...


In the meantime - it really is about Carpe Diem, cause you never know.  As Teri Nelles so aptly put in her email this morning - Hug those you love and tell them so. 


Carpe Diem, and so it is.  

Thanks for the Memories

When one thing is cleaned (in my case the carpets) - there seems to be an impulse to clean other things.  In that process - more "things" appear to be cleaned and there is more work that appears and needs to be completed.  So it seems...


Yesterday - I set out to put back together the master bedroom and closet.  This was to be about a one hour task.  I started at 9:00 am and finished at 6:15 pm (after taking 45 minutes for lunch of course...).


The results - fabulous!  The journey - well, "Thanks for the Memories"


The cleaning itself was very therapeutic - washing away dust and dirt can be a powerful metaphor when one is in a heavy duty transformation cycle.  It is amazing some of the places that dust lives - and how a q-tip  must be used to remove said dust.  I was certainly in a very "detailed" (read retentive) mood yesterday so no detail was left undone. 


The closet challenge was the most difficult and the most time consuming.  Although it has been steadily purged of oversized clothing - I have been "hiding" some things.  And as I found out with the purging of the Venice to Trieste train tickets - letting go of these "treasures" and security blankets proved to be more difficult than I thought.


Hiding Things
I have been steadily moving oversized workout clothes and "unmentionable's" to the most remote drawers in the closet.  Also - suits, shirts, sweaters have been circulating to the back rungs of the far corners.  All these items have been stored there for a "just in case" moment.  I like to be prepared - and have been saving these items for the "just in case I gain 30 pounds by tomorrow" scenario that has been a subject of more than one nightmare and thought process (silly - yes, but a Yeti could come to the front door as well - that's why there should always be a steak in the freezer...just in case).


I started with the "unmentionable" drawer and emptied it on the very clean and fresh floor of the closet.  There lay a variety of items that represented a different time and place (without going into detail - primative versions of Spanx-like things circa the year 2000 were everywhere).  I keep circling and saving - putting "well I could maybe still use this" back in the drawer.  A short while later - everything was back in the drawer.  This wasn't going well...


After a short recess - I returned with renewed ruthlessness and a trash bag.  Deep breath taken - all things that didn't fit (which of course was everything) went into the bag.  Oy Vey...I could hardly breath...what if that 30 pounds reappeared tomorrow?  (it didn't - by the way)


This panic attack was then followed by the Raid on the Really Old Workout Clothes drawer (circa 2001-2002).  This one contained such antiquities as my 2001 Team Diabetes singlet from the Disneyworld Half Marathon, the grey workout shorts that would now fit any one of the linebackers at Vikings training camp, and the infamous Air Force t-shirt (lovingly dubbed AF1 - there is an updated and less worn version called AF2). 


I considered the singlet as a momento - but it's day was done and I remembered it clinging to my skin in the rain after the Disneyworld Half Marathon finish and smelling not so good.  The shorts - well, let's just say they were the easiest item to leave the premises (quite unattractive, and I wondered if I resembled a linebacker while wearing them - and given that timeframe, my answer would be yes). 


But there was that t-shirt...


Ratty, ripped, oft referred to as the "Flash Dance" shirt - it was threadbare, and the words "AIR FORCE" were peeling off.  My uncle, the Colonel bought it for me about 150 years ago and I wore it ALL the time.  It was an XXL and it was sweat in, sat around in, laughed in, cryed in, slept in, and dreamed in.  It was THE go to t-shirt whenever absolute comfort was required.  Over the years - it logged more miles than most people do, and its journeys included trips from Israel to California to New Jersey.  As the washing continued, it sucumbed to time and soap and around the year 2000 - it began to rip (hence the Flash Dance reference).  It was retired to the drawer of long lost workout clothes in early 2002.  I have brought it out from time to time to recall some of the events to which it had been worn, but it had long been untouched. 


I knew the time had come to say goodbye and put it on one last time.  A million memories poured back as I closed my eyes and saw myself wearing it.  Some good, so difficult - but all part of me.  However, there was a realization that a smelly old t-shirt wasn't required to have those memories - it was merely a catalyst, not the memory itself.  I could still have those without AF1.  Off it came - and into the bag it went.  (brief moment of silence).  It was so funny that almost immediately - I felt lighter and less "weighty".  But letting it go will give me so much more room for the wonderful things that will be coming with the new shirts that will be THE go to's for comfort and security (and they will actually fit).  I'm not giving up AF2 anytime soon - but new things will fill in the gaps. 


Cleaning and clearing - I'm doing better at this daunting task and yesterday was a great step forward in the need to hide things for fear of sudden weight gain and Yeti visits. And - my closet is ready for more! We will discuss the freezer another time...


Carpe Diem and so it is...

Clearing Out to Bring More In - Inspiration in the oddest places

Today was carpet cleaning day - and all the "stuff" in the house is all over the place.  I really don't like that at all and it's making me crabby.  However, as is my "new world order" - there is an advantage to all this turbulence, and it is causing me to go through some miscellaneous folders removed from their neatly stacked up spot on the office floor.  Old receipts, scrapes of paper, and a big folder full of torn out articles, pictures, etc. that have been preserved for use "someday".  If I have learned anything this summer - it is to clear out the clutter of someday usefulness, give away, throw away and create a fresh start.

Sitting on the floor of the guest bath (while the humidity in the house started to rise with the steam carpet cleaner and the excessive heat outside), I started ruthlessly going through the papers, and was being very good about throwing out that which no longer served.  I liked (she says hopefully in the past tense) to hold on to things, and am actively working on letting things (of all nature) go.  Laughing at the age of some of these papers, it was interesting to recall how much importance was attached to them so long ago.  

Soon, I came to the articles/pictures/quotes pieces.  There was a picture of Angelina Jolie in her full Lara Croft outfit.  Now before there are any questions - it was inspirational at a time when I weighed about 100 pounds more than I do now.  My question was if it was to serve as a visual of a better body - why was the picture stuck in an old icky manila folder? 

The last folder was a variety of interesting artifacts from a cruise of the Mediterrean in 2004.  These objects of great value included used train tickets from Venice to Trieste, receipts from some cafe in Athens, and (literally) 10 postcards of the same picture from the hotel in Venice.  I did find some fun things that are now preserved to go into the scrapebook I'll be making...(and that is the funniest thing I have yet written).   In the last folder, a little scrape of paper fell out and stared me in the face.  It was a quote from Epictetus - a nice Greek boy born in 55 AD and an agent for Stoic ethics (see below for more details).  As I have been considering the next steps in transformation and the emergence from my cocoon  - there has certainly been a lot of "back and forth" about how to go about it.  The quote certainly spoke to that, and as my learning continues - it was suppose to...

"Caretake this moment.  Immerse yourself in its particulars.  Respond to this person, this challenge, this deed.  Quit the evasions.  Stop giving yourself needless trouble.
It is time to really live; to fully inhabit the situation you happen to be in now."
Epictetus

Sometimes in the process of letting go - you receive so much more than you "lose"...

Carpe Diem!



Epictetus
A Greek philosopher of 1st and early 2nd centuries C.E., and an exponent of Stoic ethics notable for the consistency and power of his ethical thought and for effective methods of teaching. Epictetus' chief concerns are with integrity, self-management, and personal freedom, which he advocates by demanding of his students a thorough examination of two central ideas, the capacity he terms ‘volition’ and the correct use of impressions.  Heartfelt and satirical by turns, Epictetus has had significant influence on the popular moralistic tradition, but he is more than a moralizer; his lucid resystematization and challenging application of Stoic ethics qualify him as an important philosopher in his own right.

Welcome! Carpe Diem and Enjoy!

Welcome to the new blog -

11CarpeDiem.blogspot.com.

In the next several posts, I will be introducing myself as well as the thoughts behind this blog and it's title.  In the meantime - my goal is to provide useful, positive, and entertaining notes on places, things, and the general status of a wonderful life as well as attract lots of "followers" and their thoughts and comments !  Stay tuned as you never know what will appear in this blog - my mind sometimes takes some pretty unusual twists and turns. 

To start the ball rolling - the thought of today:

We can do anything we want, and I for one do not want to waste that.  When I reach 85, I want to know that I said "Yes", instead of regretting that I said "No".